HEAR MY HEART

… AND he said unto them, take heed what ye hear: with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you; and unto you that hear shall more be given” (Mark 4 vs. 24).

As we talk about ‘Intimacy,’ I wish to share with you something we neglect in our relationships. We know it, but we don’t use it. In fact, most times we take it for granted.

How do we know things or know people? What do we know? Are we sure what we know is right? Knowing is what relationship is based on. To really be close to a person is to know the person.

Most times, what we think we know about people or things can be wrong, because our source of information is faulty. I used to say that it is not what we don’t know that is killing us, but what we know wrongly. Wrong information is more dangerous than ignorance.

Many of us lose our partners because we think we know them because we have lived together or been together for say five years or 10 years.

The truth is that it takes a lifetime to really know a person. It is even when a person dies that we properly interpret their characters or things about them we did not understand earlier. We only see the full length of a tree when it is down.

It was when Jesus died on the Cross that those who crucified Him said, ‘truly, this is the son of God.’

The point is that we need to know our partner. We need to know what we need to know. There are things we don’t need to know; things that might not make you happy. You will have the best in your marriage if you know only what is important to be known.

You wonder why your husband is seeing another lady; perhaps she has known a part of him you are too busy to know. She has reached him where you haven’t. The same for you, sir.

A man wins a woman’s heart when he reaches where others haven’t. And every time we talk with our friends and loved ones, we want them to hear what we are not able to explain. And that can only be possible when we LISTEN.

This skill is lacking in many relationship. We don’t find time to talk to each other because no one wants to listen to each other. We think we win people’s heart when we talk, much or funny or romantically.

Believe me, you will only make sense when you talk only after you have listened. You can’t hit a cord when you don’t know the music. To be an effective listener, I suggest the following:

Look into your partner’s eyes. We have two ears, one mouth. We hear with one ear and understand with the other.

One way to get into your spouse’s mind is by looking into his/her eyes as he/she speaks. You will notice a lot learn a lot. Then you will hear even words that are not yet spoken.
Never interrupt; be quiet. Don’t think you know what the next statement is. Allow the person to talk, so that you can properly evaluate.

Let the person say everything, both offensive and stupid ones. Just let the emotions flow.
Don’t be judgmental. Some of us are prejudiced against certain things or ways of talking. Save it. In a relationship, allow for sincere expression. You don’t have to agree with everything the person says, but remember that everyone has a way of seeing things.

A little tolerance and acceptance will help bring about understanding.
Participate. When a person is talking, listen in such a way that you will know when something is funny, then smile or laugh. If you skipped a part, you ask questions to be cleared.

Make signs like yes, ‘I get it’ … ‘okay’ … ‘that’s true’ …. ‘Really.’ It will make your partner know that you are getting it.
Take note of the main point. Sometimes, when people talk with us or dialogue, we miss out the main issue because we don’t like the medium or method of communication.

Maybe you don’t like the way the person said it or toned it, but that is not the purpose of listening. Get to the point.

Pick out essentially what the discussion is about your partner may say, like ‘am tired, I don’t like this, I won’t do it again.’ Then you say, ‘fine. You are done with me, why are you still here. Okay, let’s split’. You got it wrong.

The person was upset or angry and was trying to let you know the level of frustration. Maybe she is just saying you don’t show much love or it’s been long you made love to or asked her out or sent her a nice text.

Please note the main point and don’t twist the message to score a position. You have listened well if you know what exactly the person means.
Respond with a non-judgmental and sometimes non-verbal tender ways. You may need to say something like, ‘I understand’ or ‘this is why I did it’ or ‘I think it should be better this way.’

But highlight points raised by your spouse and be very considerate and sensitive when giving answers or response.

The good of communication is to understand each other for a more profitable relationship, with less conflict. Let it be done in such a way that you will end with a hug or handshake or even love making.

We need peace in the home to make progress. And peace is not the absence of war, but the presence of love. Love is not a game, but will require some skill, some approach, some spice.

If we hope for a meaningful and fulfilling marriage, we need to do whatever it takes.
-E. C. Samuel

WHAT MEN WANT FROM WOMEN

“AND they called Rebekah, and said unto her, wilt thou go with this man? And she said, I will go” (Genesis 24 verse 58).

Men and women are more alike than different. They share an almost identical brain structure, similar needs for achievement and connection and generally want the same things out of life.

The differences are in nuances and although important, should not be used to regulate men to some far removed distance space in the universe.

What our culture values, as masculinity, is trapping. This includes being in control of one’s emotions, winning at all costs and not showing vulnerability.

Men who are not the way society thinks they should be are often stigmatise and may be viewed by others as ‘feminine’ in some vague way.

We have noticed that men who feel they must rigidly conform to masculine gender norms are more likely to suppress emotions that make them feel vulnerable.

But what we term ‘vulnerable’ are the very emotions required for a romantic intimacy with a partner or spouse.

Most women will say, “You are a man,” trying to reinforce the very gender conditioning that pushes men away. Some of these women even dictate roles for men or assume they know how a man should be.

Mostly, these straitjacket principles make men seek comfort and reality elsewhere.

What really do our men want from their women? May I can speak for a few men.
(1) He wants you to like him and love him for himself and not just what he does for you. Men like it when they are loved
The way men are socialised at all times makes them feel that their value is in their agency- that is, in their ability to act, take charge, control, win and achieve. If he doesn’t do that, he would be termed a ‘sissy’ and scorned.

Do not let this superficial part of him mislead you. Underneath this conditioning is a child who he is. He really wants someone who can be okay with him when he is not winning, producing or ‘on top.’ Keep that in mind when you relate with your man.

(2) He wants you to like yourself
If you are using him to feel okay about yourself, it will never be enough, and you will constantly be in charge of the next boost.
More so, men like it when a woman feels emotionally strong and capable. It is okay to be jealous, but never act insecure.

(3) Believe his ability to communicate, and try to understand his language There is a way a man uses word… Just know where he is coming from. Don’t force him.

(4) He wants you to be playful
Let go of control. Be spontaneous, joyous, and fun to be with. Don’t be too serious about everything.
Engage him without agendas. Let him feel like a high school lover. Men like to feel that.

(5) Men like to be respected
It is not true that all men are control freaks or domineering. On the contrary, most men listen to their wives.
But you earn your husband’s respect when you respect him, especially when you are self-sufficient, but still let him feel as the anchor.
He may say he doesn’t want you to bother him, but something inside feels secure when you tell him things before you do them or report events to him.

(6) Men like it when you understand them
Men flirt. Men make many decisions sometimes. They are not like women with special instincts. Yet, don’t let the man feel you are controlling him.

When he makes a blunder, get angry, but understand. Men cannot stand nagging. Find other ways of expressing your dissatisfaction without a plan for revenge or violence.

Let him feel the guilt, without you pressing it.

(7) He wants you to know that boys do cry
Men are given much shame in our culture for being vulnerable that they are often left with one choice to vent negative feelings-anger.

Offer him that one place in the world where he can unconditionally bring his full self to the table and where you don’t judge.

Don’t talk him out of his fears or upsets; just offer compassion and understanding.

Love his shame away.

– E. C. Samuel

My Message For Singles

When people are not married, they are viewed as people who are not responsible and ready to settle down.

In fact, marriage and wedding are so much exaggerated in form and words that you think something is wrong with you if you are not yet married.

As a matter of fact, a lot of people think that love equals marriage. All the sweet words, sacrifices, affection, passion, intimacy or sweetness of friendship have been placed at the centre of marriage.

So, if you are not married or you are a single parent, you think something is wrong with you. And that has made a lot of people worried. And with the sexual explosion, nothing seems to be better or sweeter than sex, which we say must be within the marriage vow.

We say behind every successful man is a woman, and same for every outstanding woman. We leave those not married under what and how they can be happy.

There are stigmatisations for people who are not married or do not have children. These labels are wrong and we have not got the information helpful.

True, marriage has its glories, but who says one cannot be happy, love and be loved and live fulfilled as a single?

I write today from that standpoint, and these things are true. For all the singles take note.

1. You Are Not Alone
The scripture in Genesis, where it was said that it was not good for a man to be alone, have been used out of context.

For God to say means that there was no other man, with Adam; all are animals.

Also, we must note that God did not create Eve for marriage, but for companionship and help. In fact, it was Adam who made Eve his wife.

As much as we say God instituted the marriage institution, I am yet to see where that happened. Don’t let anyone make you feel you are alone; look around, there are people. There are those who are married, but are still lonely and looking for that one satisfaction, that union of mind and soul.

2. We Need Friends
The Bible said in Proverbs 17 vs 17: “A friend loveth at all times.” That is what we need. If friendship does not lead to marriage, it is enough still as friendship. Why don’t we appreciate our friends?

I know a friend who said when he marries, his wife would be his best friend for life. And I was bothered. I asked him what the people in his life right now meant to him.

It is possible he is reserving his love for a person he hasn’t met. The love and affection of all the people around him right now means nothing until he finds the ‘Woman of his heart.’

What some persons do not know is that there are kinds of love. There is a love of a woman, which may not necessarily mean a wife, as it could be a mother or even sister or any other woman.

Then, there is brotherly love, there is a love for the law, our intellectual passion or love for arts or music.

We need a friend not bonded by any law, but love. Your spouse may be faithful to you, not because of love, but because of the vow of marriage made at the altar, which is not different from what you do when you enter a profession.

If you have good friends, be happy. One scripture that inspires this thought is in St John 13 vs 1, where it was said Jesus loved “His own,” which were in the world. He loved them to the very end. It wasn’t marriage that bonded them; it was love.

There are people that can love you, there are people given you to love. They are your world. Don’t be distressed and start running about looking for someone to say, “I love you and will marry you.” There are people around you already, those who love you, marriage or not.

Love is all that matters after all. If you are good with those around you now, you will be good with your spouse.

3. Not Everyone Will Marry
Sex is such a beautiful thing. But am afraid, we have turned the thirst to drunkenness. The desire is natural and okay, but we have made it intoxicating that we make most of our decisions around it.

The trouble in the world is that we are not content with what we have right now or who we are right now. More so, not everyone will marry, whether we like it or not. We could go for deliverance and have prophecies and match-making and all of that, but there are still certain persons that are not wired for the marriage thing.

Sometimes, I wish we just know that we cannot have everything to be happy. The social system and structure of our culture is our doom. There is no room for those of us who are least or weak or poor. We put up labels on people who do not meet the social strata that earn respect.

Many people marry today because they feel they will miss sex. They have fantasised that marriage will be kissing in the morning, foreplay, hard thrusting at night, weekend outings and vacations where you make love all day. And the way it is been talked about, you think your life is reduced without it.

For some, it is children. They want to have children, and it must be within wedlock. If the children do not come, I wonder what will become of that marriage.

My advice is, if marriage comes, good. If it doesn’t come, it is equally good. Never think you must marry to ever be happy or achieve all your goals.

4. Don’t Be In Hurry
Marriage will come, but be happy. Don’t ever believe that you must marry a particular person to be fulfilled. Yes, there are special persons, we know it when we meet them, but be sure. We should marry the mind of a person.

The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked. Anyone can love you, but the quality of the person, the way the person thinks and the persuasions of that person’s life is what makes the person.

Be careful who you commit your whole life to. Feelings fade! Don’t let anyone use any manipulation to woo your heart and make you slave to passion that are passive and temporal. Don’t be bound to the dictates of a wrong heart.

Someone may love you with all his or her heart, but if that heart is dark, dangerous and deceitful, that will be the colour of the love you will have from it. Take your time.

The heart is hidden behind smiles, gifts, gestures and courtesies. If you want to be happy, wait. God is the one who made the heart, He will send love and friends to you. He made you come through parents you didn’t choose, He will bring the right persons along the way.

How To Make Love Without Sex

How To Make Love Without Sex

Why is ‘true love’ so elusive? Could it be that what we see of love in today’s culture is nothing more than illusion? If so, what does true love look like? The book How To Make Love Without Sex by E. C. Samuel attempts to help the reader discover God’s way of finding love and staying in love without sex.

The book provides understanding of the difference between love and sex. Against popular belief that the two must go hand in hand, and that God designed a beautiful gift (sex) for his people to enjoy, what is common is that sex has been exploited, cheapened and abused. In six chapters, 57 pages, Samuel attempts to clarify some of the issues that lead youths into confusing sex with love, which cause them to disregard God’s warning and clinging to what is obtainable or practised in the society.

Chapter one gives detailed explanation of what love should be, and also the fact that people love for different reasons as the situation warrants. Samuel sheds light on the wrong way people express love these days. Chapter two tries to separate love from sex, to give the reader more understanding of the two terms.

According to the writer, “Love is giving away of oneself for the benefit of the other, while sex is basically trying to have, enjoy, benefit, own, and posses another.” The author also looks at sexual shifts such as homosexuality.

How To Make Love Without Sex takes the reader back to some biblical examples where love was not impeded by sex, and where love existed between the same sex.

Ruth loved Naomi, but it was not the same we know lesbianism today. (Ruth 1 vs 15 to 18) Samuel provides 12 steps to expressing love without sex. Contrary to circular belief, he argues that love can be expressed without sex.

The book provides some counsels and guides to checking sexual appetite. According to the writer, “Nothing is wrong with sex until we get to that point where we become drunk with it, some call it ‘sexual addiction’.

Some people have allowed sexual desire to determine their marriage partner, place of worship, friends, where they live and career.” Lastly, the author wraps up the piece with a message of love, where he summarises what love is in three powerful keys: love is not a feeling or a gift, love is the greatest commandment, and love covers a multitude of sins.

Faith Festival 2018

Intimate Faith Ministry Faith Festival 2018 REMEMBER

Lord You daily serenade my heart with your love

Which is incomparably coming from above

It has really taken over me like a virus

But I don’t wanna be free from it my Lord Jesus

I’ll never forget the way You show it to me in excess

Or even forget how You unburdened my heart from distress

When I had no one to run You were always available

To help me overcome this world and its government that are fallible

So its another year of faith festival with the theme REMEMBER

Which kick starts from the 30^th of August till the 2^nd of September

I’ll be there with you to gladly renew my consecration by pouring out my whole heart

And there is no better time to do it than at the special night concert

MY PEOPLE!!  MY PEOPLE!!  I troway salute give una  ooooh. I’m using this medium to let you know of our forth coming camping which is also refferred to as Faith Festival. The previous ones have been splendid in all ramifications,  but you wont know until you attend. This year’s festival promises to be with an unforgettable experience which is why it’s tagged REMEMBER. Admission is FREE­­: FEEDING, ACCOMODATION and TRANSPORTATION. Please, do make plans to attend.

Click here for registration. For more inquiries call; Mr Kenneth 07067590575, Mr Sunday 08105000890, Call/Whatsapp Mr Victor 09073924232.

What We Want

And the man said, the woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave of the tree, and I did eat” (Genesis 3 vs 12). The people given to us as family, friends or spouse will determine a lot in our lives.

They will give us something that may make or mar our lives and our history forever. People give us what they have (Acts 3 vs 6). Some may not have silver or gold, but they have what can make you leave stagnancy and achieve your greatest dreams.

Some will give us money in exchange of the gifts in our lives. (Acts 8 vs 20-21). We don’t know what exactly the people in our lives have brought with them.

But when we fall in love, we are hopeful that our partner will give us something good. In fact, when we marry or have someone as a best friend, we expect them to give us the best of them. We ‘covet earnestly the best gifts’ from the people with whom we share a certain level of closeness or intimacy.

We want the people in our lives to treat us rightly. And giving is one basic way of expressing our love, but what we give shows how much we love. The basic principle is “give and it shall be given unto you” (Luke 6 vs 38).

Whatever we want from our spouse is what you must prepare yourself to give. Whether we know about love and self-sacrifice or not, love demands love.

We want people to give us back what we would give. Giving in loving relationship is not necessarily an exchange, but the character of love keeps giving without asking for a return, though it certainly expects or wishes it to be so. It is a beautiful thing to love, but very satisfying if we are loved back. Virtue came from Jesus and healed the people.

Do what you give bring healing, relief, hope and strength? Do you offer to your spouse what will set them free from their past, guilt or something they are struggling with? There are things we give in marriage, more than money, more than sex. Those are important though, but really to be fulfilled in marriage, there are things we really desire.

There is something to say here. If you take the sweet, you will taste the bitter. It was Job who said to his wife, “shall we receive good at the hand of God and shall we not receive evil?” (Job 2 vs 10).

We want the best from our friends and loved ones. We want them to act nobly, purely, faithfully, diligently and godly. And it is good. Many times, we throw away good people who did a bad thing. It is not wrong to want to enjoy your marriage and everything that will be enjoyed, but be endured.

There is a part you must endure. This idea of enjoying marriage and not enduring it is foreign to the way God planned it. Even good things will require endurance.

Love suffereth long and is still kind. That is what true love is. We can’t get the best of a person or a relationship if we are not ready to manage or endure the worst of it. Even our Christian life and relationship with God would have some dark days when it seems God has forsaken us.

There are times when we have secrets doubts about the things we believe and the struggle is stiff. But Jesus said “whosoever shall endure to the end, the same shall be saved” (Matthew 24 vs 13).

This modern day preachers teach that belonging to Jesus solves all your problems and fail to tell you that you will suffer a lot because you bear the same name that can cast out devils and heal the sick.

The world will hate you and your faith guts. A part of the journey will not be easy! So it is in marriage. We exaggerate the bliss and fun in marriage and young people excitedly rush into it without considering what they would have to fight and love against hate. Believe the best in spite of the odds and hold on till the end.

Marriage and future generation is worth that fight, faith, force, passion, patience and prayer. In summary, what do we really want when we entered into marriage with all its insecurities and uncertainty? We want blind trust. When people say they want to know all about the person they date before marriage, I wonder! If you know the person yesterday and today, do you know tomorrow? People changes as times do.

Nothing is wrong in taking caution before choosing a partner, but once you have chosen, why demand what the person did before meeting you? I stand to be corrected, but suppose it were you? I teach the Bible, but I watch movies sometimes and I have seen the movie, original sin, with Antonio Banderas and Angelina Jolie and I was touched.

Banderas (not the name in the movie) said to Jolie after series of betrayals, “I love you from start to finish.” At this point, she has poisoned his tea and intend to run away with her always boyfriend. Banderas knew about the poison, heard the plan, but drank it (I don’t recommend that o). That changed her.

We want someone to love us with a blind trust. Just trust that this one won’t harm you. We need it in marriage. Unconditional love….. In every relationship, love is the glue. But what kind of love? Some people like ‘eros,’ the sexual form of expressing affection. In fact, that is all they know. You say I love you to your mother, your friend and the person you want to have sex with.

What is the difference? But in marriage, we want love that we can rely on. In marriage, we should know that we are loved, no matter what. Sex should be great in marriage.

In fact, hugging, kissing and other desires to be with someone is a way of living. But it is more. There is a more excellent way of loving. Sometimes without really saying it, your spouse feel it, knows it. Quarrels, betrayals, misunderstanding won’t drown it. It is stable; it is sustained all the way.

A love that sees all your faults and won’t go away is what I am talking about. Open hands- generosity is viewed in different ways. Some people think it is about money and the surplus of it that makes people generous. I think to be generous is an attitude of giving. You will be able to share everything with the person you love.

What you have, she has. Your hands are open, you are eager to share or even part with things for the benefit of the other. No one likes a stingy person. All sweet talks without a hand stretched to help are vain.
Pastor Ezeala C. Samuel.

Secrets For Attraction

Secrets are not what people hide; they are what people don’t know even if they see it. What are the things that make people notice you, looking your direction and wanting to come along? Why would people want you, look for you and hold on to you? Why will someone love you for a long time? Why will someone forgive you for an offence because they don’t want to lose you? I will tell you something.

A good look. And I don’t necessarily mean wearing sexy dress or clothes to ‘seduce’ your husband or wife, as the case may be. I mean being clean.

Your spouse should not be reluctant to kiss or hug you. Stay clean and fresh for the person you share your body with. Smiles are charming. Reserve that for your spouse. It is a relief; a release. Don’t hide it; don’t withdraw it. Smiles give hope, strength and courage. A genuine smile is contagious.

Let your spouse feel your smile in the chats, in the voice. It is so welcoming. A sweet lip. And I don’t mean ‘wet lips,’ ‘chocolate lips’ or whatever.

I mean words. The Bible says everyone will kiss a man that gives a right answer (Proverbs 24 vs 26). Lying lips are abomination to the Lord (Proverbs 12 vs 22).

Don’t be a talebearer that reveals secret. “A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth; and a word spoken in due season, how good is it” (Proverbs 15 vs 23). Season your words and speeches with grace. Bad mouth drives people away. More so, people can guess your heart from your mouth.

A helping hand. Be a help and you will always be needed. Be resourceful. Be eager to support and assist your spouse. Everybody needs help. As you relate with your spouse, find out what you can do to help, not replace. Give suggestions, assist in prayers.

Help with the chores. Help run errands. We seek God because He is present help in time of need. Always ask: “What can I do for you?” “In what ways can I be of help?” A long temper. The Bible says anger rest in the bosom of fools. It is foolish to be angry with your spouse, especially when you have not learnt how to channel your temper constructively.

There are people whose wife will run out of the house when they are angry. Some men won’t come home because of their wife’s temper. The Bible says that love is not easily provoked. You can be easily assertive without being provocative. You can disagree without misunderstanding.

A satisfying meal. People like food. All over the world, giving food is one way of showing hospitality. Know how to treat your husband when he returns from travel.

Prepare his favourite meal. Buy a special movie or music to welcome him. What is wrong if you prepare special dishes, such as pepper soup, etc for your wife? Jesus came eating and drinking. Learn how to prepare special dishes. Learn how to treat the feet. Know how to take care of the sick. You will be of much value.

A wise heart. Some people have their heads full, but their hearts empty. Wisdom is how to best apply knowledge. Find right answers. Resolving puzzles and complexes are needed in this world. Wisdom is received from God, from elders, from experiences.

Have your heart properly enlightened. Your children would need it. You may need it to guide your home rightly. A God-fearing soul. The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom.

This is not just religion, but a conscientious person. If you consider God and truth and justice and fairness before you take an action or say anything, people will trust you. Your husband’s heart will be at peace. Your wife will be safe. The fear of God is the fear of nothing else.
Pastor Ezeala C. Samuel